Cleaning...Reorganizing....Sitting back....Focusing....

It's amazing the journey I have been on. Life takes some unexpected turns and hurts you, kicks you when you are down then swoops back in and picks you up again. As these things have happened, I have let everything build up. I quit taking care of me. I replaced my needs and feelings and worried more about other peoples. Short changing myself and everyone else who counts on me. Working out has changed a lot of things for me. I make time for me. I am starting to feel my own self worth again. When you live in constant turmoil, even if no one "means" too, it takes a toll on you. Especially if you already come from a place where you were always less than.
Downsizing our home has been a journey too. The freedom I felt as I tossed out things that mattered very little, but felt I needed to hold on to. Just in case. Wow! Empowering.
Taking back control of my life and refusing to be taken advantage of or accepting to be treated as less than I am or my family is.... Painful, but necessary. Seeing myself as a Daughter of God and worthy of what He gives me, regardless of others opinions. Priceless.For that's what they are opinions. No one else walks in my shoes. Only ONE can judge me.  Still not exactly where I want to be, but I am a lot closer. As I set a new business on its training wheels and plan out my goals and putting things in order I realize how much I crave order, structure, for then I can be spontaneous in my free times. I see now how other people's craziness I have allowed to color my world, I have stifled myself and others trying not to upset the applecart. The only one who lost was me and those I could have helped.  So, tonight I recommit to acting and not reacting. Setting healthy boundaries for those not in my home and NOT feeling bad about it.
It was wonderful this week to wake up and get ready and have everything where I left it. I love seeing the order in my closets and drawers again. Not going to ignore my needs again to see if someone else will settle down. I will do what I can, what I desire to, and it will be good enough, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I am starting my 3rd challenge next month. I am really looking forward to it, for as I break new barriers, I am chipping away the hurt, the pain, the negativity and re-discovering me. Positive, happy, full of faith and ready to tackle anything. Doesn't matter if no one else understands. I know I do. May not make much sense at 2 am... but it is ok. Along side my challenge for wellness and health, I am choosing another road as well. I am choosing to focus on a desire of mine to choose to learn and build up something in me. Don't know what it is yet, but I am going to find something I really love and enjoy and do it.
My New Thoughts:
1. I am only going to buy clothes I really like, feel good in and not just settle for cheap.
2. I will focus on learning something just for me. Find something new to enjoy.
3. I will create pockets of time to work on my goals so I can achieve them.
4. I will stop saying yes to things I really want to say NO too.
5. I will continue my fitness goals, just at a slower, more manageable pace.
 So I won't feel like a failure when I can't keep up with unrealistic expectations.