Chapter 14

Brad takes my hand and we dance. We turn slowly and he dips me. I balance myself against him. MY MOM snaps a picture. When developed, it appears like I am grabbing his bum. Thanks, Mom. We continue to glide. One of the kids shoots a plastic train at our feet. We sidestep and continue our dance. Won't be the last time we have to dodge anything in our married life.
We end our dance and kiss.
I take Brian's hand and we dance. He TEASES me the whole time. Someone takes a picture. It ends up being the best picture from the wedding. Go figure. My husband peruses the pictures and says let's put this one in. Only it's not us, honey! Ooops!

My hands are swollen this morning. I thank him for the KY Jelly. It probably wouldn't have fit if he hadn't added it. He roars. He is lucky, I am in a good mood yet, or this could end badly. In all honesty though, Brian irritates me at times but I can never stay annoyed with him for long. He boasts it's because his chrome dome makes him hot and I can't help myself. I shake my head and beat my head against his shoulder. "This is going to be a lifelong joke isn't it?"
"Yeep." he retorts. If nothing else, he is quick on the draw with his words.

People start coming up and hugging us again. Jayne especially touches my heart. She had helped serve and she tells me how grateful she is we found each other. "Hold him close and remember to count the ways he loves you. He may not always have enough money with a family this big, watch how he cares for you and cherish it."

I am introduced to Buddy and he is so funny. He makes me laugh too. He helps clean up and swings me around the dance floor too. I don't know what Brad is worried about. His Dad comes up and tells me I look beautiful and he is happy for us. His wife stands back and glares. I introduce them to my parents and everyone has a long road to go home so they start dispersing. His Mom hugs me and tells me,"Expect more of the same. With these two guys, what one doesn't think of, the other one will."
I firmly concur.
Holly and her family graciously invite us to their home to eat with the family and get to know everyone better. I accept, not knowing a head of time how drastically things will change.
Brad and I discuss. We aren't leaving until everything is clean.
I go to gather my things. My underwear is stretched across the toilets. Everything is EVERYWHERE. All my personal items out for display across the bathroom.
I am NOT happy.
I quickly gather things up. My keys are gone.
I tell Brad and he says, "Calm down, it will be ok."
I go to pick up our marriage license. It is scribbled and scratched across and wet. No water source was near. Not an accident.
Toilets are plugged in the men's restroom.
This is not funny.
We clean up the nursery and gather our kids. We dance each one outside. Brad's van is COVERED. Words scribbled. Cocoa Puffs 2 inches deep line every available surface. Blown up condoms dot the landscape and open cans of sardines are under seats. Any and all available surfaces are covered in vaseline.
He laughs. I don't.
"At least they don't know where my parents live." I reason.
I walk to my van, I am not getting in his. Yuck. It would ruin my dress.
My sister and children showed them where to find all of my stuff and my van. A huge bra is duct taped to the front and filled with giant purple balloons. Words are written across... Deer Killer...(I had hit a deer a month previous)...Seven isn't enough, send viagra....other things not worthy of remembering.
1/2 inch thick of vaseline coats every surface you might set your hands. Rolls and rolls of toilet paper unrolled filled my van. Florescent condoms covered in vaseline everywhere. I have the key to my car from Brad's set I had given him this morning.
I put the kids in the van. They are still in dress clothes, but they are getting ruined with all the vaseline. The grease stains never all did come out. The side of my dress never came out either.
"Where are my keys?" I demand. My house keys are on there.
The cellphones start ringing.
"Don't worry, we have her keys, we wanted to leave a surprise at the house for you guys. A way to start your life off right." click.
"Who told them?" I demand an answer. All my kids shake their heads no. But I clearly see 2 girls in the photos later when everyone shows us their pictures. Laughing thinking it is funny, until they see my face now.
We drive straight home. It is raining, the kids are cold, hungry, tired and everything they touch gets vaseline on them. They wipe it on their clothes.
I am getting madder by the second.
My phone rings. "Where are my keys? This isn't funny."
"Don't worry. Are you such a priss you can't take a joke? If you get in the house and your kitchen floor is covered in oatmeal and syrup, it wasn't me. I someone short sheeted your bed, it wasn't me. Anything out of place, it wasn't me." Kevin laughs boisterously and hangs up.

I dial back. "I want my keys now. I explain the kids situation and that they have to pee." All he does is laugh and hang up.
I am so angry now. Nicole and Princess are silent with eyes like saucers.
I have to take a couple to the gas station to go to the bathroom. The attendants smile as I usher them through, their warm glances turn confused as they see one angry bride. I quickly explain. "That's crap! Wanna us to take 'em out?" they offer.
"No." I sigh. Load everyone back up and wait. 45 minutes. Brad calls. "I almost have the keys. Are you going to be ready to go to Holly's? They have dinner for us."
"WHAT??? You expect me to go eat with them after this?" I am incredulous.
"You'll do the right thing. They are just paying me back for what I did to them."
"It is only affecting me! I had nothing to do with them." I plead my case. I am so angry my hands are shaking.
He pulls up in the possum lodge van.
He opens the door. He peeks in. "It's fine, they didn't have a chance to do anything. You drove home too fast." he tells me. Trying to soften the day's developments.
We rush in and change clothes. I am disgusted as I look at all the clothes we spent so much money on that have to be dry cleaned.
We start cleaning the van. He pleads with me to reconsider. He kisses me. It is his first request as a married couple.
"Fine, but anything stupid and I am out of there." I give in.
He kisses me longer. "I love you!"
"I love you too."
"Do I test that love?"
"No, but your family is testing my patience." I glower and then smile.
"It will be ok." he assures me. I am not sure I believe him.
I put on my happy face and we drive to Holly's. Everyone is on their best behavior. They apologize and laugh it off.
"So what did your family do to you for getting married?" one asks obviously waiting for a good story.
"Well, they helped out for everything and made sure everything went smooth. Wished us well. They were all happy for us." I stop talking.
I really only talk to Holly and Ethel the rest of the evening. It is late. "Can't we go yet?" I plead in his ear.
"Yeah, I guess she wants to get me home." Brad announces.
I slug him in the arm. I really just want to go home and cry and hold my kids.
We get home. It is about 10 pm. "Time for you guys to get in bed." Brad announces.
"Dad and Brad Dad" rings through the air. "We want to open presents!!!"
We open each gift and card.
Wow! What a Blessing!
Now we shove them off to bed. We kneel down beside our bed and offer our first prayer of our married life. It is after midnight. One by one, the kids filter in, by 6 am our bed is full of kids. My husband laughs. "Is this how you thought your day would be?"
I ignore him. We have to race to get our 3 oldest girls home. Brad and I begin the journey of a lifetime. He drives and I sit in the backseat of the van and listen to all the kid's stories. The conversations turn dark as I realize what everyone has been trying to allude to me, but since I naturally am positive and don't expect the worst that I begin to hear. The story of their lives in this house they are being raised in break my heart, and churn my stomach. They trust me. They tell me more than I ever expected. I try not to comment or show too many signs of anything on my face. They continue talking. My poor girls! I want them with me. I am quietly picking on them and playful. Hiding my sorrowful heart. We stop and eat at KFC In their hometown. They don't want to go home. They cry and and I bawl. I don't want them to leave either. My heart is breaking. I don't have a chance to tell Brad anything. Plus, I don't want to ruin his day. He is so happy. I pledge in my heart. I will not rest until they are safe. We pull up to the house. They slowly get out. They walk the suddenly long sidewalk. They look back once. The door opens and we see them starting to get yelled at. The shades are drawn.
I pray.