Chapter 2

The sun peeked through my light purple curtains. As the room brightened in the early morning light the paint appeared more pink. As the day wore on, it would transform to purple and then when lights snapped on at twilight would merge to a pink with an under tone of purple. I loved the colors of these walls. Always changing.
Kinda like me these days. I pulled myself out of bed and dressed quietly. The house was so still. 4:30 am was my time. My oldest was 9 and youngest was 2. Not much time for quiet reflection. I sat at my weight set. I lifted weights until my muscles burned and my mouth got dry and my forehead was sweaty. I wiped my hands and forehead on my sleep shirt and threw it at my stuff to take downstairs. I was wide awake. My heart was pumping. My mind awake and energized.
I knelt down on the hardwood floor and prayed. As I prayed my heart softened towards the people who were causing me anxiety. I prayed for them and my children. Then I prayed for me. I poured out my heart. I pleaded for understanding of His will in my life. I told Him how grateful I was for everything that had happened. I knew how blessed I was. I thought about how a few short weeks before, I had $92.11. I received my electric and gas bill. It was MUCH more than that living in a old and drafty farmhouse. We had a cold snap and even though I kept the heat under 65 degrees, it was still chilly and expensive. I turned it down to 62 degrees. I made a long walk to the place to make my bill payment. I didn't know what I was going to say. Child Support didn't come regularly then and I wasn't earning much. No idea when the next paycheck would show up either. As I walked, I prayed, as I prayed, my heart lifted. No idea why. Just felt happier, energized. Peaceful. I walked in and said, "I know my bill is almost $300.00 . I was wondering if you would accept a partial payment and I will bring in the rest as soon as I can."
The lady at the counter looked at me over her glasses. "Account Number, Please."
I recited it.
Click, click, click. "Ahem."
"$92.11"
"What?" I said.
"$92.11" she repeated.
"$92.11, is what I need to pay to keep it from being shut off?"
"No. $92.11 is your balance."
"How is that possible?" I asked incredulous.
She smiled. A gentleman came in this morning and asked to be anonymous, and paid a portion on about 30 peoples bills. You were a lucky recipient.
I stared at her.
I kept staring.
Finally she stated, "Your balance is $92.11"
I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it over. My last bill was paid for the week.
"Who paid this, please. I really want to tell them how much this means to me."
"Nope. I'll let him know."
"Thank You." Tears filled my eyes and I walked home much quicker with my pockets empty, but happier than I had felt in a long time.
Dozens of scenes from my life re-played in my mind as I prayed and I remembered how grateful I was.

Not my thought, but another entered my mind.

Daughter, thy faith had made thee whole. Go in peace and be whole.

I leaned my head against the wall and in my minds eye, saw myself leaning against His side.
The woman with an issue of blood.

The vignette in the book of Mark stated so little but says SOOO much.

I had never thought too much about her. Never thought of comparing her to myself. Suddenly inspiration bathed my mind in light.
I saw myself thronging Him.

She had an issue of blood 12 years.
I had spiritually and emotionally bled 12 years.

She had suffered many things and given all that she had to cure herself of this ailment. Physicians, who should have been the ones to trust and bless her... left her penniless and without and still in her same predicament. Her sorrow and her shame must have been more than most could have borne. She was not made better, but grew worse.
I won't share the details, but twin hearts. How I suddenly identified.

She heard Jesus was here, saw the throng and thought to herself, "If I may but touch His clothes. I shall be whole."
I changed my entire life in a matter of weeks and threw myself totally in the arms of Christ. Believing He would save me. Trusted Him. Believed Him.

Straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up. She felt in her body she was healed of that plague.
I saw how in a manner of weeks, I was smiling. I was no longer depressed and shamed. I had lost 42 lbs. Totally reduced my stress. I was healing.

Jesus immediately turned towards her. Full knowledge of what had taken place.
Tears streamed down my face. I began to understand.

I thought about those who had judged me harshly not knowing my circumstances. Who when I said hello in the grocery store, turned from me and walked the opposite direction. Thought because they knew 2 or 3 stories they understood me and my family.
Hurtful glances thrown my way because they thought I was having a midlife crisis at 30, or gone crazy.

Why did Jesus call attention to her? She had suffered silently and been ridiculed. An issue of blood made one unclean and not fit to be in polite company.
Why?

Because this was a complete healing. One that was for her benefit.
Mine as well.

I finally saw how He healed her physically, (the easy part)
emotionally
spiritually
socially
all ways so that she could begin again.

I saw it happening in my life. I cried until I was spent. So grateful.

I got up, wiped my tears and went downstairs quietly to make breakfast before In woke up the kids for daycare and school. I prepared for work.
I called everyone downstairs and had them start eating breakfast while I started the dishes.

Luckily no mascara on yet.

"Mommy," I heard as I turned from the dishes my arms still sudsy. The sound of my name was a mournful cry. My eyes filled with worry and rested upon my 2 oldest children.
"What's wrong?"
"Mommy, we're sorry!" Huge, wracking sobs as they filled my arms. I couldn't understand half of what was being said, only that their hearts were broken.
"Why are you sorry? It's ok, it's ok. " I soothed.
"I always thought it was you. I thought it was you. I thought you made all the fighting. Now that we are here together. There's no more fighting, no more anger. I am sorry Mom. I am so sorry!"
We held each other for a long time and it was a long drive to work. I was so grateful.

I picked the kids up after work that night and we went to the park. We ran all over and slid down the slide and just played. A very nice looking man came up and inquired if they were all my children. I toyed in my mind with retorting "No I just pick random kids and rent them for the week."
Instead I smiled and said yes.
He sat down and made small talk. The kids continued to run around. I thought about the stupid comment I had made to my ex about using our kids as date bait at the park. hmmm
He was preparing to ask me out. In my mind I heard, "Beware, for inwardly they are ravening wolves."
EEK!
I gathered up my stuff and kids.
He said, "So can I get your number?"
"No, thanks, though. ummm, aaaa, I have to get going. Have a nice day. We bolted.